broken open, wide open heart

Those girls on fire

Hey there lovely, messy, unruly ones.

I feel like I went on a bit of a hiatus here. Life happens and I’m just following my wild muses lead.

It’s been a spring and summer of great changes and some heart rending transitions in my life. My mom left us to dance with her loved ones on the other side this July. It was a blessing for her tired mind and pained body. I miss her and know that she’s smiling down on me dancing the jitterbug and playing piano as she always dreamed of. Play on mom.

The gifts I’ve been given throughout her sickness are many. My own vow to be alive here and now in my messy, vibrant life is one that sustains me and awakens me. I know she’d want this for me.

This waking up to all that I am and all that I crave and need to be fully alive is not always an easy process. It requires feeling it all. Crashing through the waves and diving deep. Living in the uncertainty of change. Listening to all that’s calling my name. The day dreams of deserts and vintage campers and experiences I can’t name yet, that I long for, come to me in images and song that lead me closer.

And the words. Playing with them. Writing down the bones like secret messages. Following their clues. Following the turn ons and the oh fuck yeses. Finding the ones who want to walk with me down this dirt road, illuminated path. All leading to more of me that wants to come out and play.

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I laid down on the hood of my car two nights ago and watched the epic magic of the Perseid meteor shower. I let out a rebel yell every time I saw those pieces of miracle dust shoot across the Milky Way. I wished on every one I saw. I wished for so many things. I let my broken wide heart lead me. I highly recommend this as the most potent kind of joy elixir. As the absolute best medicine for anything that hurts or diminishes your lovely, holy aliveness.

This truth I know today. When you let your heart break open, when you let the fucking brutal pain pass through it, when you allow yourself to be a messy, imperfect, feeling being, you will see in the deep darkness all that your made of. What you’re scared of most can be loved into the light, can grow up from those dark, fecund places where the magic lives. What you’ll find is that you are all that. You are joy as you are sorrow. You are the brightest blinding light and you are the deep, sweet dark. And it’s all good. You are wild like the night. You are the warmth and beauty of the sun. You are an ocean playing with the tides. Yes! You are that powerful and so crazy beautiful.

I hope you wish on those crazy shooting stars tonight. I hope you roar at the new moon and tell it your deepest dreams. She’s listening. I am too. I see you, I hear you gorgeous. Wishing you all the love your unbound heart can hold. xoxoxoxo

Love always, Melissa

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4 thoughts on “broken open, wide open heart

  1. This is so raw and delicious. You’ve articulated something I’ve been trying to show my partner in the last few days, and I know your words will be a salve to his wild heart. You are gorgeous permission giving radiance. Thank you for your poetry ❀

    Like

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