spirit

broken open, wide open heart

/ Melissa Kaiser Design / 4 Comments

Those girls on fire

Hey there lovely, messy, unruly ones.

I feel like I went on a bit of a hiatus here. Life happens and I’m just following my wild muses lead.

It’s been a spring and summer of great changes and some heart rending transitions in my life. My mom left us to dance with her loved ones on the other side this July. It was a blessing for her tired mind and pained body. I miss her and know that she’s smiling down on me dancing the jitterbug and playing piano as she always dreamed of. Play on mom.

The gifts I’ve been given throughout her sickness are many. My own vow to be alive here and now in my messy, vibrant life is one that sustains me and awakens me. I know she’d want this for me.

This waking up to all that I am and all that I crave and need to be fully alive is not always an easy process. It requires feeling it all. Crashing through the waves and diving deep. Living in the uncertainty of change. Listening to all that’s calling my name. The day dreams of deserts and vintage campers and experiences I can’t name yet, that I long for, come to me in images and song that lead me closer.

And the words. Playing with them. Writing down the bones like secret messages. Following their clues. Following the turn ons and the oh fuck yeses. Finding the ones who want to walk with me down this dirt road, illuminated path. All leading to more of me that wants to come out and play.

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I laid down on the hood of my car two nights ago and watched the epic magic of the Perseid meteor shower. I let out a rebel yell every time I saw those pieces of miracle dust shoot across the Milky Way. I wished on every one I saw. I wished for so many things. I let my broken wide heart lead me. I highly recommend this as the most potent kind of joy elixir. As the absolute best medicine for anything that hurts or diminishes your lovely, holy aliveness.

This truth I know today. When you let your heart break open, when you let the fucking brutal pain pass through it, when you allow yourself to be a messy, imperfect, feeling being, you will see in the deep darkness all that your made of. What you’re scared of most can be loved into the light, can grow up from those dark, fecund places where the magic lives. What you’ll find is that you are all that. You are joy as you are sorrow. You are the brightest blinding light and you are the deep, sweet dark. And it’s all good. You are wild like the night. You are the warmth and beauty of the sun. You are an ocean playing with the tides. Yes! You are that powerful and so crazy beautiful.

I hope you wish on those crazy shooting stars tonight. I hope you roar at the new moon and tell it your deepest dreams. She’s listening. I am too. I see you, I hear you gorgeous. Wishing you all the love your unbound heart can hold. xoxoxoxo

Love always, Melissa

My wild luminous life

/ Melissa Kaiser Design / 8 Comments

Wild~ living in a natural state,  not domesticated or tamed. Unruly, extravagant, fantastic and highly enthusiastic.

Luminous ~ to radiate light from within. Fully shedding light, especially in the dark.

I found these words last Fall while visioning about my deep dreams. What I realized is I was rediscovering parts of myself that have always been there but were buried under layers of what I thought I should be to fit in, to be accepted. To be a good daughter, student, wife and mother.

I unearthed so many things I’d forgotten I wanted for myself through all those years of caring for others. My children are  pretty much grown now, though some still live with me at times. It’s time for more of me to emerge now. All the creative work I’ve done in the last few years is all about that. The wanderings through online courses about things as diverse as a woman’s magic making circle and a ‘get your bliss back’ through movement and ayryvedic medicine, writing letters to my sister life and following my wanderlust. Through all this I’ve found my wild luminous life.

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I’m exploring it by painting it, drawing it and writing down the bones of it. Expanding the expressive writing of it by forming it into a kind of unruly prose. All really for my own enjoyment and a sense of expressing what it means to be fully alive.

I’m steeping like my favourite chai roobis tea in it.

I’m opening to cinnamon and cardamom spiced knowing

I’m slowly deepening with gingery whispers

I knew once to listen like quiet tender leaves opening, softening to this sweet deep infusion.

If this wild light calls to you maybe we could walk down its ignited path together and tell our stories. For me there’s nothing better than having a starry sister to wander with.

Who knows where our illuminated hearts could lead us? How much wonder do you think we can cup in our open hands, hold in our wild winged souls?