2016, a scar of poetic beauty, a piercing of joy and sorrow

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Dear 2016,

You were a wicked bitch.

Sweet and feral.

Brutal and protective.

Raw and loyal.

Joyful and hopeful.

I was hoping for more lush and less dull thudding pain.

I was wishing for more luminous when what was required was more walking through the dark looking for the hurt places.

Grief was near. This second year without my mom was more real and had her missing from so much.

There was new life with sweet Nora that brought so much joy.

Deep pain, riotous happy.

There was relief from all the testing, growing, learning.

Pink rocks, hills of them on Georgian bay, stunning in their moss speckled beauty. The anniversary of your leaving mom. I was there then walking on them and remembering your endless love.image

I remember the moon that night. A sickle rising above the lake. All the humans sitting and watching as she rose in the pink light of the setting sun. Breathing with them. Life going on.

All the lakes, Superior, Huron, Michigan. Diving into their depths, immersed full body underneath, away and near.

Washed clean, new in her magic, home.

The Lake Superior shore, the heat, the heat and then the wet, cool deep. Frolicking like a seal, sealskin, soulskin. Back in her, beloved in her, found in her.

And the trees, the rocks, the endless forests along the road.

Time out of mind.

Beaches beneath toe and heel, stone sentinels of granite and gneiss. Speckled grey green and blue, peach and pewter. Each one a jewel in the sand. Guardian and guide post.image

Waterfalls and ancient cedars with gnarled roots like Tolkein forests with meandering stone walls marching along the ravines edge. Magic in the very air.

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This beauty as real as any pain. This beauty as cutting to the heart. Wrenching open to all of this aliveness.

This leaving its mark, a poetic trail, a scar, inked in beauty on me.

Remembering a year lived in all its complexity, soft and sharp edges. Alive to live it.

Writing down its bones as the year closes not having written all year.

I have no answers as to why when it brings clarity and a settledness to my soul.

 

2017 you’re here. I want you to be full of gypsy parties under the moon, Nora walks, girl gangs, new friendships and creative collaborations with other wild minded ones. Perhaps a wander through making and magic and reading tea leaves under the maple tree on chairs like peacocks. Maybe we could all play together in the wild luminous playhouse breathing in enchantment and dreaming while awake.

Life please mark me with your poetic paths of memory, your runes of experience and adventure. Your piercings of joy and sorrow so that I know I’m here. I’m alive. I’m a part of it all. The spinning earth, this lush and luminous life. The wet, the dirt, the wild in all of it,

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finding myself again in the dark forest under the moon,

love Melissa

 

Your resplendant wild and wise self is calling you

wicked this way she comes

luminous and wild she comes

What calls to you my lovely wild and lush ones?

This time of year it’s everything mysterious and magical for me. My thoughts wander down twilight paths to meet my wild muses. They’ve been telling me to dive deep and to rest. Its been a momentous summer and early Fall. Brutally deep loss and joyful new life. All asking me how do I want to be alive. So I answer. I want to watch the wild moon wax and wane, I want to celebrate whenever I can. I want to make stuff lusciously festive! I want to hold my new grand baby Nora and know that my mom watches over both of us always. I want to feel it all. To grieve well and answer in delight when joy calls to me.

I was so happy to celebrate a midnight revel in my backyard again with my #gypsywitch friends. We all gathered around the fire and under the big maple tree at my grandfathers picnic table. Having them there, under the night sky, is the best kind of magic I could wish for. Their saying yes to my fantasy, make believe coming to life, is so much fun for me.

the gypsy witch table

This year has been filled with growth and loss and beautiful gifts. I wanted to have an online gathering of kindreds this October, my first e-course, and life events kinda stalled that dream for me. I’m taking a bit of a time out, and while that felt disappointing, I knew that I could still have that magical gathering of women.

Come join us in the gypsy witch tent

Come join us in the gypsy witch tent

So here it is in all its glorious witchiness! I wrote a little poem about how this season of harvesting and releasing and diving deep feels for me. There is so much magic afoot. So much your wise and wild self wants to show you

the magic in you calls

the magic in you calls

Wicked this way she comes,

With cobalt and silver and black cat familiars,

Wild muse and enchanter, blues crooning romancer,

Rebel and upstart she’ll show you the way,

To luscious disarray, to unruled and unbound,

Offering wishes profound,

Lighting the way she comes.

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gaze into your deepest dreams

feathered masks and fairy lights

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#gypsywitchgirlgang

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Hope you all have the most festive and magical Halloween! May you be blessed with Love and Light on all your journeys and wanderings through this wild luminous life. xoxoxo

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Giveaway winner! Yay! and New Moon blessing

Hello all my bright and beautiful ones,

shes the breath and the bones.

shes the breath and the bones.

It’s such an auspicious day for a giveaway! I’m so excited to pick one of you. I’m feeling really lucky to have you all in my life. Your words of encouragement keep me moving forward towards my big dreams one little step at a time.

Today it’s the new moon in Virgo and it was also a partial solar eclipse making the energy of this new moon even more potent. If you don’t already know new moons are times to make wishes or set intentions about what you’d like to bring forth into the world. For me this time it’s all about bringing intention to my work as a valid part of me. It’s taken me awhile to view it that way. I have always been Mom or daughter or whatever was expected of me from others first. Before I can hold this space for myself to grow into this soul work / business I need to intentionally work at it everyday. To say yes. In this way I let the Universe know I’m ready. Any time I have done this in the past it comes to meet me. The things that happen then are just what’s needed for me to move forward, so much more than I could dream of. It’s so much magic. So I’m dreaming it today, wondering and wandering today. I hope you’ll come wander with me here. I’m so lucky you came. I’ve been dreaming and scheming on how to get us all under that stardusted sky in my magical tent. Hope you stay tuned to how we might do that. What are your wishes on this new moon? For your messy, unruly, raw and  joyful, precious life. My wish is that your deepest dreams come true.

in my tangled garden

come to my table

And the winner is…..Mindy! I’m so excited to talk to you about what you would like, colours, stones. Many blessing to everyone who showed up here to my virtual gypsy tent. You make this life of mine so much more bright and beautiful! Love and light to you all! xoxoxo

Build the gypsy tent and the wild magic will come

Hello all you lovely,  gypsy hearted wanderers,

Come sit down in the tent I built for you. Come rest awhile on velvet pillows. Relax and ease all the should haves and the could ofs. Come let the wild magic reign.

be in the magic and mystery of all that you are

be in the magic and mystery of all that you are

I’ve dreamed about gathering women for so long. I’ve been in groups of women before and I know what happens there. Deep connection, inspiration and the holding of space for all to unfold in a safe and loving way. I used to do parties for my daughter when she was younger. We had in the castle, under the sea, mermaid parties and dancing with the fairies and fire goddesses birthday shindigs. Absolutely loved making these parties for the girls! Some wise one said to me ‘why don’t you have parties like this for women?’ So I did. I just stepped into all this magic one day with PM invitations to women I had recently met at the artists co -op I belong too and to my best friends. I was scared. Would they come and give it a go? Show up for my creative visioning nights and my other wild schemes? They did. They showed up and pretty much amazed me with their openness and fun spirit. My first gathering on the Summer Solstice got rained out. Damn. We gathered anyway and then again in early 2015. In the Spring I started pinning stuff on Pinterest. If you like that kind of unruly gorgeousness here’s the link to my wants and pinned desires  https://www.pinterest.com/melissakdesign/

I remembered the gypsy tents I had  pinned the year before and had been pining for since last summer. Why not this year? I thought even amidst my mom going into long term care nursing and all that led up to that. Some very emotional and draining times for my family. The thing was these dreams I had, they were what kept me afloat on this raging sea of sadness and pain. I learned that it can all have its place in me. The joy and the pain. The saying goodbye to the mom I once knew and the planning for this new happiness to come into my life.

:::the unfurl girls:::

So I dreamed along with the grieving. I knew that this witnessing of my moms diminishing health, though so brutal at times, was making me ask myself how I truly wanted to be alive. The answers were coming to me and this post is about so much of what they were. To create more magical spaces where I could be in my joy, be with my girls on fire. Let all the gorgeousness I conjured up in my head out in the world.

shes beckoning you

shes beckoning you

down the mossy garden path

down the mossy garden path

So here it is! I did it with some help from my guy who built the bamboo pergola and I hung the lights and created my nest. I was longing for these vintage Moroccan textile floor pillows. I pinned so many of these while listening to Romany gypsy music in the dead of Winter. I did not play that at the party.  Maybe next time. I did find some amazing brass enamelled dishes to hold crystals  and candles, lavender and sage.

photo cred. Elizabeth Essex aka the cat lady lawyer

photo cred. Elizabeth Essex aka the cat lady lawyer

I piled that tent with pillows ’cause can there ever be enough pillows? Not in my world. There was delicious food spread out on my grandfathers picnic table under the maple tree.

'Through the Veil

‘Through the Veil”

It was a chocolate truffle, wine, laughter and sex talk kinda night. When my local girlgang flung themselves down in that cushy nest the real started. The kind of real when the mind relaxes and the true voice starts speaking. The wild mused voice of this is who I really am, what I really want to talk about. What troubles me  and what makes me curious. What makes me feel lit up and what’s fucking awesome in my life.

there are angels and gypsy magic afoot.

there are angels and gypsy magic afoot.

so much magic inside the tent

so much magic inside the tent

This is the best, in my opinion, kind of magic! The magic of being seen and heard and of seeing the beauty, the fierce grace and fire in us all. So I built the tent and they came. In my field of dreams. Now you’re here too and I’m so glad you came! It is the best kind of joy for me to have you here. What I’ve wished and hoped for.

they will gather there

they will gather there

I’m hoping you might want to join me here in my virtual tent, in my joy. I’ll be talking about the circle I want to gather virtually really soon. I’m planning it for October. I’m so excited to share all the details with you. Next week I’ll post about it all. For now though I want to celebrate that you are here on my newish website! Yay! A long held dream and I’m going to give away a piece of my custom gemstone jewellery, some of my original art cards and some surprises too. All you have to do is comment here and let me know who you are and I’ll pick a winner on Sunday, Sept. 13th. The day of the new moon. We’re gonna talk new moons real soon. 😊 Saving a place for all you lovely, messy ones in my tent of dreams,

photo cred. the lovely Elizabeth Essex aka the cat lady lawyer

photo cred. the lovely Elizabeth Essex aka the cat lady lawyer

love always,

Melissa ✨💖✨

broken open, wide open heart

Those girls on fire

Hey there lovely, messy, unruly ones.

I feel like I went on a bit of a hiatus here. Life happens and I’m just following my wild muses lead.

It’s been a spring and summer of great changes and some heart rending transitions in my life. My mom left us to dance with her loved ones on the other side this July. It was a blessing for her tired mind and pained body. I miss her and know that she’s smiling down on me dancing the jitterbug and playing piano as she always dreamed of. Play on mom.

The gifts I’ve been given throughout her sickness are many. My own vow to be alive here and now in my messy, vibrant life is one that sustains me and awakens me. I know she’d want this for me.

This waking up to all that I am and all that I crave and need to be fully alive is not always an easy process. It requires feeling it all. Crashing through the waves and diving deep. Living in the uncertainty of change. Listening to all that’s calling my name. The day dreams of deserts and vintage campers and experiences I can’t name yet, that I long for, come to me in images and song that lead me closer.

And the words. Playing with them. Writing down the bones like secret messages. Following their clues. Following the turn ons and the oh fuck yeses. Finding the ones who want to walk with me down this dirt road, illuminated path. All leading to more of me that wants to come out and play.

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I laid down on the hood of my car two nights ago and watched the epic magic of the Perseid meteor shower. I let out a rebel yell every time I saw those pieces of miracle dust shoot across the Milky Way. I wished on every one I saw. I wished for so many things. I let my broken wide heart lead me. I highly recommend this as the most potent kind of joy elixir. As the absolute best medicine for anything that hurts or diminishes your lovely, holy aliveness.

This truth I know today. When you let your heart break open, when you let the fucking brutal pain pass through it, when you allow yourself to be a messy, imperfect, feeling being, you will see in the deep darkness all that your made of. What you’re scared of most can be loved into the light, can grow up from those dark, fecund places where the magic lives. What you’ll find is that you are all that. You are joy as you are sorrow. You are the brightest blinding light and you are the deep, sweet dark. And it’s all good. You are wild like the night. You are the warmth and beauty of the sun. You are an ocean playing with the tides. Yes! You are that powerful and so crazy beautiful.

I hope you wish on those crazy shooting stars tonight. I hope you roar at the new moon and tell it your deepest dreams. She’s listening. I am too. I see you, I hear you gorgeous. Wishing you all the love your unbound heart can hold. xoxoxoxo

Love always, Melissa

My wild luminous life

Wild~ living in a natural state,  not domesticated or tamed. Unruly, extravagant, fantastic and highly enthusiastic.

Luminous ~ to radiate light from within. Fully shedding light, especially in the dark.

I found these words last Fall while visioning about my deep dreams. What I realized is I was rediscovering parts of myself that have always been there but were buried under layers of what I thought I should be to fit in, to be accepted. To be a good daughter, student, wife and mother.

I unearthed so many things I’d forgotten I wanted for myself through all those years of caring for others. My children are  pretty much grown now, though some still live with me at times. It’s time for more of me to emerge now. All the creative work I’ve done in the last few years is all about that. The wanderings through online courses about things as diverse as a woman’s magic making circle and a ‘get your bliss back’ through movement and ayryvedic medicine, writing letters to my sister life and following my wanderlust. Through all this I’ve found my wild luminous life.

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I’m exploring it by painting it, drawing it and writing down the bones of it. Expanding the expressive writing of it by forming it into a kind of unruly prose. All really for my own enjoyment and a sense of expressing what it means to be fully alive.

I’m steeping like my favourite chai roobis tea in it.

I’m opening to cinnamon and cardamom spiced knowing

I’m slowly deepening with gingery whispers

I knew once to listen like quiet tender leaves opening, softening to this sweet deep infusion.

If this wild light calls to you maybe we could walk down its ignited path together and tell our stories. For me there’s nothing better than having a starry sister to wander with.

Who knows where our illuminated hearts could lead us? How much wonder do you think we can cup in our open hands, hold in our wild winged souls?